Summer is Here!

Hi Sidra,

First let me tell you about our Father's Day. You and mom had gone shopping to get me something for Father's Day and after you were asking me some questions and telling me some things. You asked me if I liked beer. I wasn't sure how to answer that because at the moment I wasn't sure what motivated you to ask me that. So I gave an answer that I thought it was ok. I didn't want to say I LOVED beer and that it was a big part of my life. Then you went on to ask me about chocolate and I said I did love chocolate. As the conversation went on I realized what was going on and that my answers were probably good for you since you and mom had got me something chocolate. You may have considered beer but rejected that and settled on the chocolate. The chocolate was cute. It was a chocolate robot with a few 'lego' pieces that were candy also. They were actually colored chocolate. At least, they were sweet and the texture of chocolate but they didn't really taste much like chocolate.
The other part was about the card you got me. It was one of those cards that plays audio when you open it. You aren't very good at keeping a secret. But this time you didn't actually tell me everything ahead of time. I was able to surmise that you had got me a card that played music and that the song was 'Born to be Wild.' We actually sang it together several times before father's day arrived. I think I even googled it to make sure I was getting the lyrics right. On the morning of father's day I went out for a good long bike ride and planned to come in and sing my best version right away before you could hand me the card. That's more or less what happened. It turns out the card plays only the title phrase of the lyric so our version was much better by then anyway.
You've had some dance classes this month. The video shows a lot of the things that you did in the class. You are pretty good when you're paying attention. You were very excited each time about wearing your tutu and your dance shoes to class.
You also had swimming lessons the last two weeks. On your first day you were the only one in your class and it was in the shallow pool. You did everything the instructor asked you to. Afterwards, I asked her if you'd be better off in the big pool and she said yes. Well, the skills they are teaching in the big pool are right for you but you had a mental block about the deeper pool. There isn't anywhere in that pool that you can stand up and you had to hang on the side the whole time. The depth broke your confidence in your swimming ability. So you ended up freezing and asking to get out before class ended and asking earlier and earlier each day. So we wound up having you go back to the shallow pool for the last day. It was much better but you still got cold.
In the meantime you were swimming like a fish in the hot pool at Kahneetah and in our backyard pool which is ice cold. You can see that in the videos. Yes, you swam UNDER your mom and your sister in the Kahneetah pool.
You just had a visit from your east coast uncles last week. They were here for Noah's Quest. Ben is in one of the pictures, and David took two of the pictures.
You have been much more interested in and assertive about what you wear these days. You really like to wear dresses. You've been saying that you are pretty when you wear a dress. We tell you that it's not what you wear but what's inside you that makes you pretty or not. You've repeated that a few times but it will take a while to sink in. You got a new dress recently that is red, white and blue. You are going to wear it tomorrow(but not for the first time) for the 4th of July. Your sister got one, too.
Since I've been home more recently this next trait has faded slightly but you still do it. You will give a pretty good report about what's been going on while I've been gone as soon as I come in.
Even if it is not in your favor. Of course it takes some decoding because you speak it in the vernacular of a three and a half year old but most of the important points are there. For instance, you might say that you are not wearing a dress tomorrow because of some transgression or report on some other news. One morning I came in from my bike ride and you announced that you were ready for me to make the waffles I'd promised.
That's all for now. I'm sure there will be some more news soon. The Bike Derby is next week....

Love,
Aba

Role Models

Hi Sidra, I think this might be one of the most important postings I'll ever write. It will be some time before you're able to read it but I'll remember to make sure you do when you're old enough. This is about role models and who you should choose as your role models.
You're already making this choice unconsciously. At the moment your most important role models are your mom and I. You see, a role model is who you look to for ideas about how to behave. I know that one of your important role models is your mother because I hear you repeating things that she says to me. The other day it was about the grass clippings that end up on the sidewalk.
Some of your role models aren't the best choices. I've written here before about your recent obsessions with the Disney princesses. At the suggestion of one of the blog readers I bought you a copy of 'The Paper Bag Princess' as an opposing perspective. But as progressive political voices are overwhelmed by right wing talk on radio, the paper bag princess is far out numbered (9 to 1) by the Disney princesses. I know that you are guided by your exposure to them because you try to dress like them and tell me that you need to find a boy who can marry you. I know that in time your interest in the Disney girls will fade. You will simply grow out of this phase. Which movie character or celebrity will replace them? Later in life you may take interest in someone famous and let them influence your behavior and goals. It could be an actress, model, athlete or perhaps even a doctor or writer. People young and old often find inspiration in the activities of those who get attention from the entertainment media. I want you to know that you don't have to look that far for role models. You have many aunts, uncles, cousins, and close acquaintances whom you can look to for guidance. Whether you need inspiration in academics, athletics, spirituality, kindness, perseverance, work ethic, altruism, parenting (eventually) or career choices you will find someone in your extended family circle who exemplifies it.

In fact, I can direct your attention at two of your cousins. Two years ago your cousin Rachael was named the outstanding girl citizen out of a class of about 150 other girls. Just last month her sister Audrey was given the same honor. In my role as a senior class adviser at their school I had the honor of giving both girls their awards. What follows is what I said the night that I presented Audrey’s award.

It is always an honor to present the citizenship awards. Students who have earned these awards have done something in their school career to impress school staff. They might have impressed someone due to their service to others or by being just the most pleasant students to work with. Either way these students are likely to be confident but aren’t likely to have an inflated ego. I like to say this award is earned not because of what students see in them selves but because of what others see in them.

When she was a baby I used to call the girls citizenship winner the happy child. Either I always caught her on a good day or she has a sunny disposition. Earlier I said that students who win this award might have done so because of service to others or because of being very pleasant to work with. I think this girl has met both metrics. Classmates have elected her to student government and homecoming queen. She’s earned the approval of the staff on this vote. I’d just like to say that I hope my daughters grow into the kind of person their cousin is. By now her identity is no longer a secret. The 2010 outstanding female citizen is Audrey Mallon.

If you’ll allow me one more minute of family pride, I’d like Audrey’s parents, Terry and Ellen to stand. I just want to point out that they have raised two daughters, both have won the citizenship award in their senior year. They must be doing something right.

Since then, your uncle Terry and aunt Ellen, naturally, have expressed their modesty over my praise. But when I look ahead and think about what I would like you two sisters to be like when you are seniors in high school, I think that I would be intensely proud if you were even nominated for this kind of recognition, not to mention being chosen over 150 peers. As would any parent with kids the age you are now. In my mind the fact that both Rachael and Audrey both beat those long odds is proof that it was no accident.

Further, when I think about what kind of person you will be when you are graduating from high school, I would choose this way. Today, given the choice that you would be a valedictorian (in our school, hold a 4.0 gpa over four years) or be recognized for citizenship, I would choose citizenship hands down. It’s like this. The 4.0 student might be a driven, self absorbed system gamer, while the citizen is likely to be gracious, socially adept, and a fair player. The choice is easy.

I guess I should tell you that I reacted pretty emotionally these recent events. I was at a meeting with another senior adviser and other school officials when I learned that Audrey would be given the award. The others at the meeting would report that I received the news stoically and I suppose I did. I guess I wasn't surprised. I didn't vote because I knew she would be a contender and wanted to avoid any notion of favoritism. But that afternoon I spent most of my two hour bike ride thinking about what I would say when I presented the award. I later told your mom that I hadn't cried that much on a bike ride since your brother Noah died.

So, when you get older I'm hoping you'll recognize the real princesses and emulate them.

Love, Aba