Role Models

Hi Sidra, I think this might be one of the most important postings I'll ever write. It will be some time before you're able to read it but I'll remember to make sure you do when you're old enough. This is about role models and who you should choose as your role models.
You're already making this choice unconsciously. At the moment your most important role models are your mom and I. You see, a role model is who you look to for ideas about how to behave. I know that one of your important role models is your mother because I hear you repeating things that she says to me. The other day it was about the grass clippings that end up on the sidewalk.
Some of your role models aren't the best choices. I've written here before about your recent obsessions with the Disney princesses. At the suggestion of one of the blog readers I bought you a copy of 'The Paper Bag Princess' as an opposing perspective. But as progressive political voices are overwhelmed by right wing talk on radio, the paper bag princess is far out numbered (9 to 1) by the Disney princesses. I know that you are guided by your exposure to them because you try to dress like them and tell me that you need to find a boy who can marry you. I know that in time your interest in the Disney girls will fade. You will simply grow out of this phase. Which movie character or celebrity will replace them? Later in life you may take interest in someone famous and let them influence your behavior and goals. It could be an actress, model, athlete or perhaps even a doctor or writer. People young and old often find inspiration in the activities of those who get attention from the entertainment media. I want you to know that you don't have to look that far for role models. You have many aunts, uncles, cousins, and close acquaintances whom you can look to for guidance. Whether you need inspiration in academics, athletics, spirituality, kindness, perseverance, work ethic, altruism, parenting (eventually) or career choices you will find someone in your extended family circle who exemplifies it.

In fact, I can direct your attention at two of your cousins. Two years ago your cousin Rachael was named the outstanding girl citizen out of a class of about 150 other girls. Just last month her sister Audrey was given the same honor. In my role as a senior class adviser at their school I had the honor of giving both girls their awards. What follows is what I said the night that I presented Audrey’s award.

It is always an honor to present the citizenship awards. Students who have earned these awards have done something in their school career to impress school staff. They might have impressed someone due to their service to others or by being just the most pleasant students to work with. Either way these students are likely to be confident but aren’t likely to have an inflated ego. I like to say this award is earned not because of what students see in them selves but because of what others see in them.

When she was a baby I used to call the girls citizenship winner the happy child. Either I always caught her on a good day or she has a sunny disposition. Earlier I said that students who win this award might have done so because of service to others or because of being very pleasant to work with. I think this girl has met both metrics. Classmates have elected her to student government and homecoming queen. She’s earned the approval of the staff on this vote. I’d just like to say that I hope my daughters grow into the kind of person their cousin is. By now her identity is no longer a secret. The 2010 outstanding female citizen is Audrey Mallon.

If you’ll allow me one more minute of family pride, I’d like Audrey’s parents, Terry and Ellen to stand. I just want to point out that they have raised two daughters, both have won the citizenship award in their senior year. They must be doing something right.

Since then, your uncle Terry and aunt Ellen, naturally, have expressed their modesty over my praise. But when I look ahead and think about what I would like you two sisters to be like when you are seniors in high school, I think that I would be intensely proud if you were even nominated for this kind of recognition, not to mention being chosen over 150 peers. As would any parent with kids the age you are now. In my mind the fact that both Rachael and Audrey both beat those long odds is proof that it was no accident.

Further, when I think about what kind of person you will be when you are graduating from high school, I would choose this way. Today, given the choice that you would be a valedictorian (in our school, hold a 4.0 gpa over four years) or be recognized for citizenship, I would choose citizenship hands down. It’s like this. The 4.0 student might be a driven, self absorbed system gamer, while the citizen is likely to be gracious, socially adept, and a fair player. The choice is easy.

I guess I should tell you that I reacted pretty emotionally these recent events. I was at a meeting with another senior adviser and other school officials when I learned that Audrey would be given the award. The others at the meeting would report that I received the news stoically and I suppose I did. I guess I wasn't surprised. I didn't vote because I knew she would be a contender and wanted to avoid any notion of favoritism. But that afternoon I spent most of my two hour bike ride thinking about what I would say when I presented the award. I later told your mom that I hadn't cried that much on a bike ride since your brother Noah died.

So, when you get older I'm hoping you'll recognize the real princesses and emulate them.

Love, Aba